Month 1, Day 20.......Horomones Suck!

So I have that awful PMS'y feeling today.  I think my body is fighting the crap I am flooding my system with to make it think I hit menopause!  Or maybe it is a case of the "Monday Blues" after all today technically is Monday since we had a long weekend! =)  Regardless, hoping I can kick this feeling to the curb and feel better tomorrow for WW (Wine Wednesday!!)

On a positive note, off to give myself the last of the Ganirelix injections.....at least for now.  The "real fun" (aka lots of shots) begins in a week or so!

Protocol – Fertility Drugs: Vivelle-Dot 0.1mg Patch, Ganirelix 250mcg;  Supplements: DHEA 75mg/per day, Metformin 1500mg, PreNate Essential, Fish Oil, Probiotic, Grapeseed Extract, CoQ10, baby aspirin, B12

Emotions/Sanity Check - Uninspired!  Need a little pick me up! =)

Clinic visits – None!

Daily Affirmation - Be happy in the present, live each day with gratitude for all the great things currently in our lives!

Month 1, Day 19.......A Day of Rememberance!

As we continue this journey of trying to bring life into this world, I pause today to reflect on those that have given their lives to fight for our country, our freedom and for America.  I am very grateful to live in a country where we have the freedom to live our lives as we choose, where we have some of the best medical care in the world and somewhere that allows me to have the opportunity to even attempt IVF.  I have such gratitude for all the men and women who have given their lives to fight for our country and those that continue to fight today to protect us. 

Off to do round two of Ganirelix injections!  I forgot to mention yesterday WHY I am on Ganirelix.  It is used to help my system from prematurely ovulating.  It causes a more complete and quicker suppresion of my system, so Ganirelix in combination with the Estrogen patch REALLY suppresses my system and allows the "puppetmaster" (aka my doctor) to gain control of things from here forward.


Protocol – Fertility Drugs: Vivelle-Dot 0.1mg Patch, Ganirelix 250mcg;  Supplements: DHEA 75mg/per day, Metformin, PreNate Essential, Fish Oil, Probiotic, Grapeseed Extract, CoQ10, baby aspirin, B12

Emotions/Sanity Check - Grateful.

Clinic visits – None!

Daily Affirmation - I am grateful for all the wonderful things I have in my life and those that are yet to come.

Month 1, Day 18.......Ouch!!

Tonight was my first night of injections and I think I am WAY out of practice!!  Not only did it hurt like hell, I bled and now have a nasty bump under the skin on my leg.  This is definitely part of this whole process that sucks but am hoping after a few more I will get my skills back!!!


Protocol – Fertility Drugs: Vivelle-Dot 0.1mg Patch, Ganirelix 250mcg;  Supplements: DHEA 75mg/per day, Metformin, PreNate Essential, Fish Oil, Probiotic, Grapeseed Extract, CoQ10, baby aspirin, B12

Emotions/Sanity Check - little sleepy but feelin' good!

Clinic visits – None!

Daily Affirmation - I am a human pin cushion! =)

Month 1, Day 17.......Yogalicious!

I can't think of a better way to kick off the weekend than some downward dog at Balance Studio!  I motivated this morning to make the 10am class and it was a great one!  And then to reward myself for being so disciplined, I hit lululemon on the way home and scored some cute crops and a sweet tank!  This long weekend is off to a great start!

Today was the first day of applying the estrogen patch.  I was told to either apply it on my arm or stomach so I strategically placed it on my tummy where my bathing suit will cover it because we are hitting the pool for some sun!  I definitely don't need a cute little square tan on my stomach!  Estrogen is the same thing that is in birth control pills but I believe my dose is significantly higher than someone who was just using it for birth control.  You a probably thinking "why in the hell would they give her birth control when she is TRYING to have a baby!!"  Well, the goal of using the patches is to trick my system and shut it down so my ovaries can have a nice rest before they attack them with the drugs that stimulate follicle production.  Side note:  in the past birth control pills have made me crazy so I have never been able to take them, so crossing my fingers these patches don't make me a head case!!


Protocol – Fertility Drugs: Vivelle-Dot 0.1mg Patch;  Supplements: DHEA 75mg/per day, Metformin, PreNate Essential, Fish Oil, Probiotic, Grapeseed Extract, CoQ10, baby aspirin, B12

Emotions/Sanity Check - feeling good!!!

Clinic visits – None!

Daily Affirmation - I am strong, I am free, life is GREAT, it is good to be me!!!!

Month 1, Day 16.......A Day Late!

I am a little late with this post, I got wrapped up in the Friday festivities (aka beer at Kaleidoscope Bistro) and missed the update yesterday!  So I will do this one in past tense!

Went in yesterday morning to give blood so they could test for ovulation, they test the level of progesterone in my blood which indicates if I have ovulated or not.  I chart my temps (and they had not spiked which indicates ovulation has occured) and according to my measurements, I had not ovulated.  Well low and behold...they called and apparently my blood indicated it had occured?!?

I was then told to start the estrogen patch on Saturday and Ganirelix injections on Sunday.  This confused me as well because the sample protocol indicates to start the patch 10 days after ovulation and Ganirelix 11 days after.  By starting these items Saturday, I am short circuiting my cycle to be a 21 day cycle this month vs. a 28 day cycle, which in turn pushes this whole process up a week!!!!  I emailed my doctor to verify this was accurate and he assured me everything was fine.  So, after wigging out for a few minutes, I decided I need to let go and let God and the professionals be in charge!  Now do you understand how I got wrapped up in enjoying a few beers last night!!=)

Protocol – Fertility Drugs: none yet;  Supplements: DHEA 75mg/per day, Metformin, PreNate Essential, Fish Oil, Probiotic, Grapeseed Extract, CoQ10, baby aspirin, B12

Emotions/Sanity Check - a little anxious and doubtful!

Clinic visits – Blood test for ovulation

Daily Affirmation - I let go of the need to control my fertility journey.  I put this process in the hands of God and Dr. Toner, I will just follow their guidance!

Month 1, Day 15.......Peaceful Day!

Not a whole lot to report today, it was a quiet one.  Had an amazing visit with Caroline this evening, despite the nasty weather that soaked the both of us!!  And since it was late in the day, I scheduled a hot date with my husband for dinner!  We went to 4th & Swift for the first time and it was amazing!! 

Protocol – Fertility Drugs: none yet;  Supplements: DHEA 75mg/per day, Metformin, PreNate Essential, Fish Oil, Probiotic, Grapeseed Extract, CoQ10, baby aspirin, B12

Emotions/Sanity Check - just peachy!

Clinic visits – quick visit today for some testing and back again tomorrow so they can check for ovulation.  Once they identify I have ovulated we wait 10 days and then start Estrogen patches.

Daily Affirmation - I am peaceful, calm and worry free.

Month 1, Day 14.......Pharmacia!!!!

Wow, now THAT is one hell of a pharmacy!  Those are all the drugs I am going to be on in the next few weeks!  Did you see all those syringes and needles????(Inhale.....Exhale......)  Oh boy.....did I sign up for this???  =)  I FINALLY got the results from the liver tests and received the "A-O-K" to start Metformin! Whoo-hoo...took my first pill this evening. 

Protocol – Fertility Drugs: none yet;  Supplements: DHEA 75mg/per day, Metformin, PreNate Essential, Fish Oil, Probiotic, Grapeseed Extract, CoQ10, baby aspirin, B12

Emotions/Sanity Check - so far so good!  Ready to get this party started!

Clinic visits – none today!

Daily Affirmation - Healthy am I … Happy am I … Holy am I!

Month 1, Day 13.....Really????

So another day of frustration but I just finished my meditation CD for fertility and feel all relaxed and don't have a care in the world! =)  I ended up having to go back to the clinic today to give blood so they can run the right liver tests for the Metformin drug.  I also found out I am NOT immune to Rubella and informed that if I am not vaccinated and come into contact with it while pregnant, it could be detrimental to the baby.  My Reproductive Endocrinologist suggested getting vaccinated and felt comfortable it would be out of my system prior to the IVF but I spoke with my OB/GYN and was informed otherwise.  She said if I were to get vaccinated she would prefer a three month lapse before she were comfortable with a pregnancy.  I asked what the chances were that I would come into contact with Rubella and apparently they are very slim.  So, *sigh* I ended up taking the OB's advice and will just pray that we are safe.  So frustrating...who knew trying to get pregnant would bring so many challenges!!!

Protocol – DHEA 75mg/per day; Metformin (as soon as I get the “go ahead”)

Emotions/Sanity Check - nice and relaxed with slight frustration. =) Hoping the clinic gets their act together and it is smooth sailing from here.  I can't imagine dealing with all these challenges on drugs, I would not be so nice!

Clinic visits – just the blood test mentioned above.  I have more blood to give on Friday....I am beginning to look like a drug addict with tracks on her arms!

Daily Affirmation - I am the gardener who has nurtured my body and soul with essential nutrients and a healthy lifestyle. Much like the saying "April Showers Bring May Flowers" I am enjoying the fruits of my own care taking. Everything in my life is coming up daisies! (haha! I came across this online today and thought it was perfect for where I am, except hopefully all of this brings us a June "flower"!)

Month 1, Day 12.....Frustrated!



Yep, you read that right.....I am frustrated today!!  Last Monday when they took all that blood from me, I specifically asked if they were running the liver tests for Metformin and was told "yes".  I waited ALL week last week and still no phone call with results.  I called this morning and finally heard back from them and apparently the liver test WERE NOT run?!?!  WTH??  Anyway, now I am waiting to find out what the heck to do because I should already be on the Metformin!

Protocol – DHEA 75mg/per day; Metformin (as soon as I get the “go ahead”)

Emotions/Sanity Check - other than being frustrated from the clinic mishaps, I feel pretty good.  Florida was nice but spent LOTS of time in the car!  Glad to be home in my own bed and have access to REAL food and not the garbage that is available when traveling!!

Clinic visits – none today!Daily affirmation – Today, I choose to let go of frustrations and roll with it! =)

Month 1, Day 6.......Holy Moly, It must be a sign!!!!

You are probably wondering “what the heck is that fuzzy picture of?!?” Well, the license plate says “BFP”.  Let me let you in on some of the hip lingo in the infertility world.  We use lots and lots of acronyms because there are lots and lots of things to talk about and if we spelled them all out….well, let’s just say it wouldn’t be NEAR as much fun!!  BFP is our acronym for “Big Fat Positive” and we use this lingo when we get, well just that….a Big Fat Positive on a pregnancy test! So, when I was leaving the fertility clinic today that picture was of the license plate of the old couple in front of me.  I am sure their acronym probably didn’t mean the same as mine (as my friend Keri said, “maybe Bob and Francie Pollock??”), but I think it is a sign that this cycle is going to result in a BFP!! =) 

Protocol – DHEA 75mg/per day; Metformin (as soon as I get the “go ahead”)

Emotions/Sanity Check - feeling pretty awesome today!  Finished up at work and all packed to leave for Florida in the morning!  Hello FIVE day weekend!! =)

Clinic visits – Today I had the hysteroscopy which was quite the experience!  It was a little more than slightly painful and that was after the Novocain that was injected throughout the inside of my cervix!!!  Wow!  Anyway, long story short I saw on the screen the inside of my uterus and the right and left fallopian tube openings.  I gotta say, it was pretty darn cool. Results in Dr. Toner’s words “I don’t see any reason your uterus can’t carry a full term baby”…..so I guess I passed with flying colors again!  I realized that my old doctor never performed this procedure, which I find kind of strange, and am thankful we now know once we get our BFP, we shouldn’t have any issues

Daily affirmation – My body is in awesome condition and all the changes I have made are going to lead us to that BFP!!

Month 1, Day 5.......Bloody Monday!!!

Oh boy….what a day!!  Had my trial transfer today and gave gobs and gobs of blood for about every test under the sun!!!  Also went to see Caroline, my favorite acupuncturist, who I had not seen in FOREVER!  It was awesome to catch up and I always feel great after seeing her.  There is a ton of research out there that concludes that acupuncture is a great therapy to integrate with Western medicine.  Here are just a few of the benefits:

·        Regulate the Pituitary ( a key player in this whole fertility thing)

·        Increase the number of follicles and improve the quality of the eggs

·        Increase the uterine lining and increase the likelihood of implantation after the transfer of the embryos

·        Moderate some of the side effects of all the hormones that will be racing through my body (definitely need help with this one!!!)

·        Relieve stress by increasing beta-endorphins in the blood

So with all that said, acupuncture here I come!!  Remember, I need all the help I can get! =)  

Protocol – DHEA 75mg/per day; Game day call to use Metformin this cycle.  Metformin is currently used in women who have diabetes, insulin resistance or PCOS because studies have shown a better pregnancy rate in this group of individuals.  There is a study underway at my clinic utilizing Metformin in women who DO NOT have the above challenges and preliminary results showed a 36% improvement in 125 subjects.  So guess what???  I signed up!

Emotions/Sanity Check - feeling pretty great today!  I am sure the fact that I will be on a beach in 3 days isn't hurting my mood! =)

Clinic visits – Today I had the trial transfer (which I passed with flying colors) and lots and lots of blood taken!  They are running the standard test (infectious diseases, blood count, clotting test, etc.) as well as a few specialized test just for me!  In addition to the standards, we are doing some genetic testing (fragile-x) as well as testing for chicken pox????  Apparently I have no history of having this done prior and it is a pretty big deal.  They also did several tests on my liver to make sure I am a candidate for Metformin.  Should have the results back by end of the week

Daily affirmation – I am so very fortunate to have a job that allows me to be flexible for all these appointments that are coming up!  Also, to have the financial means to even have the opportunity to go through this whole process.  My life is a blessing!

Month 1, Day 2.......a Latte and lots of scheduling!!

I dedicate today to my wonderful grande Latte……damn was it good!  When I embarked on this journey light years ago, one of the things I gave up was coffee.  And coffee and I had a very co-dependent relationship!  I wasn’t the Monday-Friday coffee drinker….I had to have it every day of the week.  I switched over to herbal tea which was a lot of fun because there are soooooo many flavor choices compared to coffee but I still miss that latte every once in a while.  So, once a month I treat myself and indulge in a cup of blissfulness!  Everything in moderation, right? =)

Protocol – DHEA 75mg/per day

Emotions/Sanity Check – today I feel great!  Had a long conversation with Melissa (our IVF point person) and got lots and lots of things scheduled!  For some reason, scheduling things makes me feel really good.  I think it is because appointments to me feel like progress.  *shaking head* What a warped mindset I have developed over the last 18 months!!  Secretly….I also think it gives me a sense of control which is one of the things I have been trying to give up when it comes to this whole fertility thing!  Looks like I might need some more work!!

Clinic visits – Next week is a big week!   I have lots of testing to do Monday and Tuesday and then I leave for Florida on Wednesday!  Gotta squeeze one last quick vacation in before the daily monitoring kicks in!! 

Daily affirmation – I focus on the power of now.

Month 1, Day 1.......BLAST OFF!!!!

I have no clue what happened!  I posted this yesterday (May 12th) and today it had vanished!!  So, I am reposting and lets see if it decides to stay around this time!!

Protocol – DHEA 75mg/per day

Emotions/Sanity Check – now that is a tricky one! Yesterday wasn’t too
good of a day but I think where I am at in my cycle may be playing a big
role in that. Today I feel better and more positive and quite excited
that Day 1 is finally here. I have mild anxiousness and am trying to keep
the “what ifs” out of my head. Nothing but positive thoughts allowed in
this head for the next 60 days!!!

Clinic visits - waiting on a call back to schedule my Hysteroscopy
http://www.webmd.com/infertility-and-reproduction/guide/hysteroscopy and
the trial transfer (a trial transfer is done to evaluate the shape and
length of the cervix and uterus by performing a trial embryo transfer under
ultrasound guidance with the same catheters and techniques they use for the
embryo transfer. During the trial transfer they will take measurements and
make notes that my doctor can refer to during our embryo transfer. If
problems are encountered during the trial transfer my doctor can make the
necessary changes to ensure the best embryo transfer possible.)

Daily affirmation – I am in control of my world and my body. I am
responsible for myself. I release this unnecessary stress and allow my
body and mind to relax into a comfortable state of being. I am calm and
relaxed. I have a positive and optimistic mental attitude.

So where are we??

We are anxiously awaiting the start of our protocol.  I will be doing what is called "Antagonist Protocol (E2/GnRH ant suppression)".  Wow, if that isn't a mouth full and a fancy name at that!  Basically this is a two month protocol where in month one my doctor suppresses my system and fools it into thinking I am in menopause.  Geez, doesn't that just sound like a boat load of fun!! =)  Once the system is suppressed I begin the phase where they will stimulate my system to make lots and lots of eggs (hopefully!).

So for now, we are just hanging out and waiting for everything to line up to begin phase I.  My guesstimation is this will be around next Wednesday (May 11th), so stay tuned!!

We made LOTS of changes this go round so hopefully that will change our results!  Different clinic, different doctor, different protocol, different diet, different exercise regimen and lower stress level.  Hmmmm, what else can I do differently!!!!

1)     Protocol – right now I am just on DHEA which is a mild testosterone.  There are studies that show 90 days on DHEA prior to treatment could possibly increase egg quality and quantity.

2)     Emotions/Sanity Check – so far so good…except it is yet ANOTHER Mother’s Day that I only get to celebrate with my furry child!  Thank God for him!!  This is how he greeted me this morning:

Doesn't he just look THRILLED to see me???

3)     Clinic visits – not applicable yet

4)     Daily affirmation – I commit to living my life fully in this moment.  (it is so easy to get lost in wanting what we don’t have that we forget to stop and enjoy our life for the moment we are in)

Our Blog is Born: Infertility Sucks

As we gear up for our fourth (and hopefully) final round of IVF, I thought it would be beneficial to have somewhere to log the experience and share the daily regimen, progress and personal perspectives.  Especially since we have recently shared our struggle with you, our close friends and family, we want to have a place where you can see how things are going.  So the “Infertility Sucks” blog is born! =)

I thought it would be fun to have a couple of sections where each day I let you all know what is going on:

1)     Protocol – with IVF, there are a gazillion drugs that are used to trick my body into doing what our doctor wants to do and here I will share the daily torture

2)     Emotions/Sanity Check – IVF is an emotional roller coaster in and of itself.  When you add all the drugs from item #1 it leads to a pretty messed up head!  I think it will be therapeutic to share the struggles and let you all in on the crazy, drugged up monkeys that will be jumping around in my head!

3)     Clinic visits – As we progress through the process, there will be several doctor visits measuring everything from blood levels to lovely daily ultrasounds which will track the impact of the stimulation drugs and how our little eggs are growing

4)     Daily Affirmation – This daily affirmation is to help keep me positive throughout the process. Hopefully on the days where I struggle, some of you can chime in and help me create one for the day!

Last but not least, I created this venue because I realize that we have amazing friends and family and can draw from your strength as we embark on this next journey.  We have struggled to wrap our heads around this whole process for the past 18 months but finally feel like “experts” on this whole thing so feel free to ask us anything.

In case you want to read up on exactly what IVF is, check this out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/In_vitro_fertilisation

So as we buckle our seatbelts for this next ride through hell we thank God you are in our lives and are grateful for all your support!